Here's that question

Why on earth would she want to write back to you? You are married. You were a total dick and didn't want to talk to her when she wanted to talk to you YEARS AGO. ..
I would let this one go. I think it really sucks that you don't think you love your wife the way you loved some girl you dumped several years ago. Maybe you should get a divorce. But I would really let the other girl go -- you stopped talking to her. Keep not talking to her...

I'm the yin to Carlos' yang .....
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Ok well everyone has chewed you out ... you've been bad and continue to be bad ... and you know it !....
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So what to do now?..Either start being a model husband or end it...Whatever it is that it takes to do either of those but do one or the other...You can't expect to be happy (or for the person in your life to be happy with you) when you're not really in "it".....
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Make and decision (as you seem to have been able to make in the past to get you into these situations) and be happy with it...
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Angie..

You sound like a commitment phobe. At least you are writing it down here and getting feedback. I think you may need therapy or at least take a good, deep look at yourself and see what it is that is preventing you from being truly intimate and close to your CURRENT relationship. These feelings you are having are symptoms of a bigger issue. It isn't the girl, relationship, marriage -- in other words - quite looking outward at what the problem is. Look inward...

I'm here offering a guy's perspective...
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Well anon,..I' d tell you to first fix your current relationship, either get out or get better, she deserves the attention. Trying to make your marriage better will take your attention away from this other woman that you burned. ..
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If you really don't want to invest in..your marriage, then get out, and be as gentle as possible, then and only then pursue this other woman, I'm tempted to say that the odds of you succeeding are slim to none, but I've seen women take back guys for worst things...
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Doubtingly...
-Carlos..

Nope...
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Even if you leave your current wife without breaking her heart or causing some sort of emotional damage (highly unlikely), and even if you get in touch with the XGF and she is thrilled to hear from you and accepts you back into her life unhesitatingly (even more unlikely), the past history is still not going to be water under the bridge. More likely it will be like Love Canal, seeping up through the asphalt of your relationship as a toxic, carcinogenic black sludge. ..
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You can't dump someone -- especially if it was as hurtful as you say -- and expect to repair the damage with a wave of your wand. Doesn't matter if she forgives you, doesn't matter if you come back to her and treat her like a princess from now on. It'll always be there, lurking under the surface, that you hurt her that badly once and could do so again...
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Write the XGF a sincere apology letter. Then turn your attention to your wife, stat...